Engaging all of our five senses for a hotter experience.
Updated: Sep 6, 2020
When most gentlemen think of sexual intimacy, they generally imagine of two things: foreplay (the realm of kissing, touching and oral pleasure), and the act of getting 'down and dirty'. However, sex and intimacy are more than what we do between the sheets. It is about what we see, smell, taste, touch and hear.
But we tend to focus on the goals of sex – feeling desire for it, arousal, and reaching the big “O”. Yet, putting these things first actually detracts from the pleasure of it, not the performance. So, the shift in our focus needs to move from the destination to the journey. When we focus on the performance, pressure mounts, and the combination of pressure and sex generally lead to a mechanical act. Pleasure-focused sex, on the other hand, enables us to get hot and heated while still enjoying the moment, without the pressure. And that's what I would like to do with my sexual partner: to enjoy our experience, the intimacy and our undivided attention.
So how do we learn to focus on what really counts instead of zoning in on performance? Firstly, we must have the curiosity to learn about how to engage with all of our senses. And in my opinion, sexual intimacy is much hotter when we are both feeling pleasure. Plus, it's better fun because the joy is shared.
The eyes. Our windows to the soul and also to our trousers:). What we see is often the first trigger for our sexual desire and arousal. Red lips, a well-tailored black dress, an appealing cleavage– it can all be sexual. What we see does not just refer to our line of vision, it’s about what we picture in our heads when we fantasise. It’s no wonder our brain is considered our most powerful sexual organ.
And when the bedroom doors are closed, I love to dress in provocative ways- sexy lingerie, silky stockings, high heels, lipstick, ravishing hair... I like to engage the sense of sight by giving my partner a sexy striptease, or by undressing seductively...
I believe we both know that women express themselves more during sex than men, but this doesn’t mean the woman has to express her pleasure by screaming at the top of her lungs, at least not in my opinion... I like to easily engage this when being naughty by simply making sounds that ensure my partner knows exactly what I want! For example, gently moans when I'm kissed or sensually touched, or where I feel sexually satisfying.
But I positively like to be vocal during intercourse and to communicate with my sexual lover - to tell him when something feels good so that he knows to do more of it. Same applies for when he does something I'm not too keen about it. And to communicate openly, to learn about what we both like and how we can amplify the pleasure together, are valuable for me.
Smell plays a much more important role in our sexual experience than you’d think! Pheromones influence how we feel about each other – how sexually excited or interested we get, or how attracted to one another we are. Not sure what pheromones are? They are chemicals produced by our bodies that are responsible for us finding someone that much more attractive or not, and they affect us very subtly. Some people don’t even notice that someone’s smell attracts them, but I read in a psychological research that men and women can pick a partner based on what their nose is telling them. And I believe it's true!
What do I like to do to engage this sense more? - I love fragrance, but I'm always careful not to mask my pheromones with too much of it. I prefer to use unscented organic body washes and only a small spritz of fragrance, to allow my lover to 'smell the real me.'
It’s not often that we think of taste when it comes to sex; we tend to focus more on visuals and sounds. But engaging our taste sense can really make our sexual experience much hotter and much sexier. Our taste buds are so sensitive, and they easily send positive or negative messages to the brain. Personally, I enjoy to experiment with different tastes during the sexual play. Like introducing some flavoured lubricants during oral sex, eating a strawberry or watermelon before we kiss, or why not lick some chocolate or whipped cream off each others body... 💝
Possibly the most important, yet underused, sense during sexual play is touch. We so often go straight for what we know to be good – stimulating our mouths and our genitals. Instead, I would prefer to engage all those areas known as our erogenous zones, which are also heightened to sexual stimulation and pleasure.
For example, I like when my partner kisses my neck, my lower stomach, my inner thighs or small of the back. We shouldn't just make our sexual experience a two-point plan (breasts and genitals). I love to experiment with different touches – light, soft touches or firmer, more meaningful rubs. Also, I enjoy sensual, body to body massages. Or to slowly tease my lover by not stimulating where he would expect... There are plenty of great ways to arouse desire! And playing with any of the five senses -or engaging all of them- can be an exhilarating experience.
Personally, I would prefer to spice our time together with something playful and passionate. For example, I would like you to try blindfolding me and keeping an ice cube in your mouth as you kiss my naked body. Or me binding your hands with a silk scarf so that you cannot touch me, and can only listen and feel what I do to you...
The more we work with a combination of the senses, the more we are likely to have a hotter and sexier experience! Diana
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